How to Prevent Stress on Your Children During Divorce
Relationships are a funny thing aren’t they? You meet someone, fall head over heels in love, then one day it turns sour faster than milk. A break-up can turn your life upside down, and when you’ve got children the whole process is far more complex. If you’ve never experienced a break-up involving your children, it can be difficult to know the right thing to do.
Use the tips below to help you tackle some of the more common issues that may arise.
Don’t Prevent Contact with Their Father
One mistake many women make when they split up with the father of their children is not allowing their father to be in their lives or limiting contact with him. Whether you like it or not, he is still their father and if he’s trying his best to be in your children’s lives–let him!
This whole process is going to be difficult on your children, and being able to see and spend time with both their mother and father will do them a world of good. Kids need stability and predictability in the chaos created by the separation of their parents. Spending time with both parents may represent the only stability they’ll have during the transition.
Keep in mind when your children are spending time with their father, it’s also the perfect opportunity to take time for yourself to focus on taking care of yourself and manage any personal business you need to.Kids need stability and predictability in the chaos created by the separation of their parents. Spending time with each parent may represent the only stability they have during the transition of divorce.Click To Tweet
Split Everything Fairly
Divorce isn’t easy, and quite often couples can become greedy leaving the other person with nothing to begin this new part of their lives with. While it’s understandable that you may want to keep your family home to continue bringing your children up in, it’s also important for their father to find somewhere to live which enables him to co-parent with you. Try to put petty jealousy or greediness aside and do your best to split things as evenly as possible. Your kids will appreciate you for it.
Think about the following scenario: You remain living in your home with your children and things essentially remain the same there. That stability is good for them, but when your children visit your spouse, they see him struggling financially and living in a less-than-welcoming apartment or home. None of the things that provide your children comfort are in this new environment.
While this scenario may help you feel as if you’ve won the invisible “I’m the better parent” award divorced couples often create in their minds, it creates stress for your children. That stress may eventually result in resentment–toward you.
Surround Yourself with Loved Ones
Suddenly becoming single is difficult–especially when you’ve got many good memories that are everlasting in your head about your children’s father. Don’t go through this alone!
Your children are going to find this just as difficult as you, so it’s important to surround yourself with loved ones that can help all of you get back on your feet and move forward with your lives. Family and friends are also a great way of keeping your mind off things that are troubling you. These healthy distractions are an important part of relieving the stress of your break-up.
Keep Arguments Away from the Children
Finally, and possibly most importantly, it’s imperative to try and keep any discrepancies between yourself and their father away from them. The last thing they need is to witness endless arguments and disagreements.
If and when you need to discuss a somewhat volatile topic with their father, do it in private or on the phone. Not only do you need to try to keep disagreements to yourself, you need to ensure you don’t speak about their father in a negative way–regardless of your true feelings.
He is still their Dad and they love him just as much as they love you! Making it through divorce–in a healthy, mature, and civil manner–will undoubtedly be one of the most challenging things you’ve ever done, but it will benefit your children in ways you may not realize. You can do this!
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